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I have a love-hate relationship with this book. There was a lot of advice that I found super problematic (e.g. in order to win a man’s trust or respect, you must manipulate him), but there were also parts that had me snapping my fingers with one hand and turning the page with the other. See the issue?

Argov uses the term “bitch” to draw attention. To her, it signifies women who are confident and self-aware rather than mean or abrasive. She was all about letting your actions–such as not waiting by the phone for a call or cancelling long-held plans to accommodate a man–reflect your self-worth and dignity. The second half of the book really focused on these topics of internal development, which I enjoyed a lot. As with most of self-help, there were so many truths in these sections that I already knew deep down but definitely benefitted from just hearing again.

However, like I mentioned earlier, Why Men Love Bitches definitely had its drawbacks. For one, it talked about men as if they were a completely different species, which was kind of weird to me. And although in hindsight it’s partially true (#GenderIsLearned), by no means would I advocate catering to notions that celebrate the patriarchy and/or hypermasculinity. C’mon people. It’s the 21st century.

An example of this would be my least favorite chapter, “Dumb Like a Fox,” which advised stroking the male ego…as if society didn’t do that enough already. Suggestions like “Let him parallel park your car or back it out of a tight spot. If you tell him he’s a ‘much better driver’ than you are, he’ll really be eating out of your hand.” made me cringe, and I hated the idea of downplaying your own capabilities in order to get what you want. Ick.

In my opinion, Why Men Love Bitches could’ve had a much larger scope than just women trying to captivate men. The common pitfalls in relationships–such as being too clingy or getting taken for granted–are all deeper issues that stem from some lack of security or confidence. The major takeaway from this book is to hold yourself and others to a high standard of respect, which really applies to everyone.

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